oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice