Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.