I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
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Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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