turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT