Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?