I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me