I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.