It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
love makes seman taste better
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.