I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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