Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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