Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
