your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i love accidental penises.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
