Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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