i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
nutella sex= disaster
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
