they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bang-toberfest begins!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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