he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
