I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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