It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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