There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
