but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
