Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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