The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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