you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
