I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
