i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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