Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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