Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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