she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's just like the Real World with babies
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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