I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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