Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
