do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
