Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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