All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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