I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
