Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
