yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
