We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
