Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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