So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
