Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
