i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
