I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
