Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
