i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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