Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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