So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
