i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
