Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
