Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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