Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
