Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
