I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
