i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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