This girl is more easily done than said...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
