i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
