i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she told me i tasted like america
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
