Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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