The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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