Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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