why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
