i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
