I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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