Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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