Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
