I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
