do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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