Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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