wat bout pragnant strippers??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
