So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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