Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
