The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
