What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
