I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
