yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
