did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
