oh god the rape fog is back!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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