laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
