I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
