Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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