You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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