why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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