Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
