guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
