i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
