Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he wants to bone in the snuggie
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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