So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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