Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
