He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
