so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize