he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
