I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
