drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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