I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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