i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
