yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
