you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
